I AM ME

On the way home from Del Taco tonight, I had a thought. 

I am not that horrible woman I was forced to be when I was married. 

I was forced to be controlling, overbearing, bitchy and generally unpleasant. 

I worried that that was who I had become. Even though I didn't like it one bit, I had to be that way to protect my world. 

I realized that I was all those things just to keep my husband from fucking up more than he already was. I cant even imagine how much worse things could have been had I not put my foot down all the time. I feel like I was forced to be his mom, rather than his wife. 

Tis so sad that hindsight is twenty twenty. I married a little boy. I really did love him. For a long time. But that only lasts so long when you are forced to be someone you aren't, and your marriage is so one sided. 

I am glad that those unsavory habits left me when I asked him to leave. 

I catch myself being carefree, happy, better to my kid and my friends. I am so glad that the crazy me is gone. 

Literally all his friends hated me thinking that I was the most controlling bitch ever. I never wanted to be that person. He would have died from a DUI and probably killed someone else. The amount of stupid decisions that were deflected, is astronomical. 

Anyways. I am glad I am who I am without him. Just a random thought. Having lots of them lately.